We live in a computer age, and for many aspects of that I am thankful.  I feel lucky to be able to contribute as a member of the blogging communities, message forums, and email loops I am a part of.  I enjoy connecting with other parents through Facebook and Twitter. But what about my local community?  Am I being as involved with my physical neighbors as my virtual ones?  I hope so.

If your climate is like mine, the warmer weather and increased free-time in the summer months make unplugging from the computer and being more active in our neighborhood communities possible.  The joke in my rural Indiana neighborhood is that as the snow melts we can all remember what our neighbors look like again without all those hats and scarves and giant parkas.

My kids and I already have plans for being active in our local community this summer, including:

• Visiting the weekly Farmer’s Market
• Enrolling in the library Summer reading program
• Taking swim lessons and a kid’s cooking class
• Hip Mountain Mama’s Explore Something New Locally challenge
• Participating in our neighborhood yard sale
• The Great American Backyard Camp Out

But I’ve been feeling convicted to do more this summer.  I’ve been pondering what it means to be a good local citizen and how to get my kids involved.

This quote in Megan’s article on Simple Mom earlier this month has inspired me:

“If your children are old enough, talk with them about what they see as a problem or issue in your community which doesn’t seem to receive much attention. Investigate the road blocks on the path to a solution, and if possible, begin the process of solving the problem.” - 10 Ideas to Inspire Community Connections This Summer

I want to teach my kids about being part of the solution and what it means to be a responsible, caring citizen. So, I’ve been brainstorming how we can act locally to care for our community.

Here are a few ideas that I’ve come up with:

• A Block Party – our street used to have one but no one wants to take on the responsibility for putting it together anymore.  I’m fairly organized and the kids and I certainly aren’t short on enthusiasm.  This is a need we could fill and the party wouldn’t have to be elaborate to be fun and help our neighbors get to know each other.
• Supporting Local Animal Rescue – our rural community is, unfortunately, a dumping ground for stray dogs and cats.  Our local animal rescue is a small privately run organization that relies on volunteers and donations to take care of the animals they take in.  The kids and I could contact them to see what they need and ask them how we can serve them.
• Keeping It Clean – remembering to take a garbage bag along on our walks so we can pick up any trash we see.  Also, making sure to clean up after ourselves and encouraging our others to do the same.  If we all work together, we can keep our neighborhood beautiful.

So, Let’s Talk:

How will you be encouraging your kids to get involved in your local community this summer? What opportunities will you be looking for to demonstrate good citizenship? Or just being neighborly? How will you and your kids be making connections this Summer?

The comments are open for discussion.

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• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
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• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
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I am excited to introduce Simple Kids readers to Amanda Morgan of Not Just Cute.  I’m so pleased she agreed to write this guest post and share her thoughts with you about preschoolers and social skills. Welcome, Amanda!

From the moment I got this assignment to write about supporting social skills in preschoolers, every time my own preschool-aged boys threw a fit or tackled a playmate, I had to laugh at myself. “And I’m supposed to be an expert on this?”

The truth is the task of teaching our children social skills is a huge job. It’s not something any parent does perfectly, and it’s certainly not something that can be covered in its entirety in one neat and tidy blog post.

Beyond meeting our children’s basic needs, we as parents tend to worry most about their social development. Will they be polite when they play at their friends’ houses? Will they behave appropriately at school? Will they ever stop fighting?

There are a few things to keep in mind as we consider the social development of our children. They are reminders to help us to take a deep breath and respond with a proper perspective.

Photo by bluebetty

Consider Normal Development

Just because your 2 year-old bites doesn’t mean he’ll become the next Hannibal Lecter. Many challenging behaviors are absolutely normal parts of development. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t correct the behaviors, but their appearance doesn’t mean you’ve done a lousy job of parenting or that you have an inherently “bad” kid.

For example, selfishness is not necessarily a personality flaw for preschoolers. It’s the way their brains are wired; they are egocentric beings. To them, if they are happy with the toy they just snatched from another child everyone else should be happy too! Experiences in preschool or playgroup require a group of egocentric children to consider one another, helping to move them along the developmental pathway.

Additionally, young children are still learning to control their impulses. Consider a new baby whose arms flail wildly until, over time, the baby develops enough control to generate purposeful movements. Similarly, it takes time for preschoolers to develop the ability to move from acting on impulses to making controlled, thoughtful choices.

Social Skills Are Learned Skills

Children are not born knowing how to share or why they should say “please.” As with any learned behavior, there will be mistakes along the way. But with continued practice children become more proficient.

When a child struggles to learn to tie her shoes, we take some extra time to clarify the process and coach her through. We teach social skills in the same way:  give extra support and extra practice, clarifying and coaching until that skill becomes second-nature. It will take time and multiple failed attempts for a child to independently tie her shoes. Likewise, it will take time and multiple failed attempts for a child to master the world of social graces.

Conflict Is a Necessary Evil

As parents, we often try to free our homes of all conflict. We dream of days with no fights over toys, no arguments about who gets to be first, and everyone says “thank you” for the delicious dinner we’ve prepared.  A nice dream, but an unlikely reality.

Conflict should be managed, but should not  (and realistically can not) be eliminated. It is through social conflict that children learn to move beyond egocentrism and learn to adapt and problem-solve. So when the next shouting match or toy tug-of-war occurs, take a deep breath and recognize those conflicts as teaching opportunities.

Photo by hortongrou

Once we have those precepts in mind, there are a few good places to start building social skills in preschoolers.

Verbalize Emotions

Young children have the capacity to feel all the turbulent emotions we feel as adults, but a limited ability to verbalize it. When they can’t adequately communicate with words, they turn to behaviors. Then comes the kicking, the tantrums, the biting, etc. We see it as a failure to behave properly, when often it is a failure to communicate properly.

While this belief does not exonerate them, our first step is to validate and verbalize those emotions. We need to give them the words for what they are feeling, and help them to know that those feelings are OK,  the behavior is not. This process gives them the tools to express their emotions verbally in the future. It also helps them to know that they’ve been understood, which is often all they were looking for in the first place.

Be a Super Model

Because social skills are learned, it is important that we be very aware and deliberate in modeling positive social skills. We do this first of all by building a positive relationship with our children. They will learn to treat others by the way they are treated. Take note of your own behavior. Is it being reflected in your children? Model the behavior you would like to see.

For example, if your child is having tantrums, model calmness – especially during the tantrum. If you want your child to look at people when he speaks, don’t talk to him over your shoulder as you multi-task. If you have a shouter, reply with a soft voice. Find opportunities to teach through modeling, both explicitly (as in role playing) and implicitly in your everyday encounters with your children.

Photo by Mrinkk

Plan and Practice

Discuss and practice social situations separate from confrontations, free from the stronger emotions of a volatile circumstance. Thirty minutes into your daughter’s tantrum is probably not her most receptive moment. Be proactive. Read and discuss books with social situations. Experiment with social roles and dilemmas in dramatic play. Use puppets to act out a social problem your child can solve. Give children a script for specific social situations.

Play is a Child’s Work

Children need time and opportunities to practice their social skills in the real world. Remember that adults and older siblings often compensate for a younger child’s lack of social skills. Playing with peers is where the true tests come!

Solve Problems Together

Parents of young children are notoriously good problem-solvers. When discontent arises, we swoop in, assess the situation, then set timers, create turn-taking lists, or grab another item for sharing. We are so adept at problem solving because we get so much practice!

To truly benefit children for the long run, involve them in the problem solving process. It may slow things down a bit, but eventually you will find that you are “swooping in” less and less as the children become more independent in their social problem-solving skills.

Choose discipline over punishment

Now, I’m not trying to instigate a war of words here, just a shift in perspective. When the focus is on punishment as a reaction to improper behavior, we are only teaching the child not to “get caught” being “bad.”

When we choose proactive discipline, we teach moral decision-making. Instead of trying to control our children, we teach them to control themselves. Rather than governing out of anger, we guide out of love. Instead of punishing mistakes, we use those mistakes to teach awareness and accountability.

The bad news is kids don’t come to us with a complete set of social skills. The good news is they do come to us.

And with our help, they will learn to be polite when they play at their friends’ houses, they will behave appropriately at school, and yes, one day, they may actually stop fighting.

Amanda Morgan is a full time mom to three busy boys and a part-time trainer and consultant for a non-profit children’s organization. She also writes at Not Just Cute, a blog full of ideas that are more than just cute, for preschoolers who are much more than cute too.

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
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• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

I can hardly believe it has been nine months that I have had the incredible opportunity to step into the role of editor here at Simple Kids.

In the past nine months, I have been so inspired and so encouraged by this amazing community.  In fact, from the day Tsh first entrusted Simple Kids to me, I have never thought of Simple Kids as my blog; rather, I’ve always seen my role here simply as facilitator of discussion amongst a like-minded community of parents and caregivers all drawn together and united in the pursuit of uncomplicated parenting.

Beginning last fall, I began to feel the movement of God in my life, turning my eyes toward a different community – the physical community in which He has placed our family.  Though my loyalty and devotion to the purpose of Simple Kids has never wavered, I also began to know it was time for me to pass on the torch of leadership so that I might better focus my energy on serving those in this city where my family lives.

Beginning tomorrow, February 8th, you’ll have a new editor providing leadership here at Simple Kids. Kara of Rockin’ Granola will be moving into this role, and I am fully and utterly confident that she is the woman to take Simple Kids to the next level!  This is just one of several exciting changes at SK as the entire Simple Living Media network launches forward to new heights.

Oh, this is such a bittersweet moment for me!  Words cannot express my gratitude for each of you. Your participation in this community, your support for Simple Kids, your emails of encouragement that have brought me to tears on many occasions – my life is so much richer and so fulfilled because of the time I have spent here.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for being the amazing community that you are.

Now, lest you think you can be rid of me that easily, you can be sure that you’ll still see me around the Simple Living Media network in other roles.  Tsh has graciously asked me to stay on as a columnist at Simple Mom, and I’ll be contributing at the newly launched Simple Organic.  And of course, you can (as so many of you do) still visit me at my personal blog – SortaCrunchy.

It is with much love, devotion, affection, tenderness, hope, and expectation that I bid you adieu.  May you and your families be blessed in the coming weeks, months, and years.  Thank you again for allowing me to serve you here.

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
• Healthy Snacks to Go - 30+ recipes for real food snacks, fast.
• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

Last year, one of the most popular and most responded-to articles at Simple Kids was the one on 6 Peaceful Solutions for Hitting and Anger.  I think all parents and care givers realize that one of the biggest responsibilities we have as parents is teaching our children how to respond to their feelings in a healthy way.

A few weeks ago, my friend Nora, whose daughter is the same age as my oldest, posted this picture on Facebook:

Nora shared that Ainsley was not happy about an answer Nora had given her, and she retreated to her room for a while and came out with this drawing.  Isn’t this an incredible response for a newly five year old to be able to have when feeling very, very angry with her mother?

(Nora told me that Ainsley had learned a lot about emotions and all sorts of character development through the Al’s Pals program at her school.)

I’ve shared before that I think journaling is an excellent way to help children learn to express their big feelings.

Journaling works quite well with older children and for children who are comfortable with written expression.  But what about little ones?  What about children who don’t feel comfortable with writing or drawing their feelings?

Today, I would love to hear from the Simple Kids community.  You all have shown yourselves time and again to be a wealth of wisdom and guidance.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

What have you found to be helpful, healthy outlets for the big feelings your children experience?

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
• Healthy Snacks to Go - 30+ recipes for real food snacks, fast.
• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

Photo by psyberartist

“Our primary identity has become that of being consumers – not mothers, teachers, or farmers, but of consumers!  We shop and shop and shop  . . .” – Annie Leonard, The Story of Stuff

Throughout the month of January, Mandi of Organizing Your Way has been running a series called 31 Days of Organizing for a Better 2010.  Today, she is sharing her thoughts on how to resist consumerism, and she has invited me to write about what that looks like in my family as well.

Before we can know how to resist consumerism (or even if we want to resist consumerism), we need to identify what the philosophy of consumerism entails.  For those working within the discipline of economics, the term consumerism deals with a movement that seeks to protect buyers (think CPSIA). 

For our purposes, however, when we talk about consumerism, we are referring to “attachment to materialistic values or possessions,” and the belief that when we buy and spend and consume more and more and more, we can find fulfillment.

In early 2008, I watched The Story of Stuff with Annie Leonard, and I am not exaggerating when I say it had a profound and life-changing impact on my life.  If you have not already seen it, I highly encourage investing twenty minutes into viewing it.  The chapter on consumption motivated me to make significant changes in how much I allow the very prevalent emphasis on consuming in our culture to impact my family.

As a former football coach’s wife, I often see things in terms of defense and offense.  To take a stand against consumerism, I knew I would have to both defend myself and my family from a culture of consumption while at the same time be very proactive in embracing a lifestyle that celebrates freedom from all of that stuff.

On the defense:

1) Guard your input: It is amazing how quickly I can become convinced I need something when a new Anthropologie  catalog shows up in the mail.  What is even more alarming is the intensity my preschooler feels when she sees a commercial for Pillow Pets – she has to have one!  There is no shortage of stimulus inviting us to buy this now!

Consider carefully what you allow to come into your home, your viewing time, your listening time, and your thought patterns.  Toss catalogs in the recycling bin, choose DVDs over commercial TV, don’t renew subscriptions to magazines that incite a desire to buy things you do not need.

2) Know your triggers: I find it hard to keep consumerism in check at Target.  I love that store, and I always walk out of there with far more stuff than I intended to buy.  I have to limit my trips there to the very, very rare occasion.  Perhaps for you it is window shopping at the mall or surfing for good deals on eBay which entices you to spend money.

Do a little self-assessment to determine where, when, and how often you find yourself falling into the consumerism trap.  Once you know your triggers, set yourself up for success in avoiding them.

3) Challenge yourself: Rachel of Small Notebook creates a No Spend Month for her family every summer.  In purchasing only what is absolutely necessary, she is reminded of how often they choose want over need.

Could you challenge yourself in a similar way?  Take things slow in the beginning.  For example, for my daughter’s birthday at the end of this month, I’m challenging myself to see how little we can spend on the birthday party while still creating a fun and memorable celebration.

On the offense:

1) Shop differently: Seek out gently-used over brand new.  Choose clutter-free over clutter-full.  Prioritize experience over excess.

2) Think differently: Keep notes of affirmation handy to remind yourself of the purpose of the path you are choosing.  I am personally so motivated and inspired by asking, “what is essential?” Intentionally asking myself that question keeps my want vs. need ratio in check.

As you consider bringing something new into your home, make it pass the William Morris test:

“Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”

In lieu of reading material that seeks to convince you to go out and spend money, fill your reading and viewing time with that which reminds you to treasure and care for that which you already possess.

3) Live differently: I will be very honest with you.  In some ways, choosing to resist consumerism is quite easy for me in this season of life.  We live in a small rural town on the southern plains.  Our little community is filled with families that are working hard just to stay above the poverty level.  I drive a Toyota with over 125,000 miles on it, and no one in our friend group gives that a second thought.  We are renting a house that is over seventy years old, and one of the many charming character quirks is its saggy foundation.  Our neighbors across the street often park cars in their yard.  (I warned you I was going to be honest!)

It’s not really all that difficult for me to take these steps to resist the shiny new stuff of the consumerism/consumption cycle because of the culture and community in which I reside.  But I know for some of you, it is a much more daring way to live life.  Some of you move in friend circles which place a pointed emphasis on new and shiny – new homes, new cars, new clothes, new gadgets, new toys.

Choosing to live differently will disturb the universe in which you travel just a little bit. Be prepared to meet resistance.  Find strength in reminding yourself that in the very, very short time you are given on this planet, you are investing not in things that get broken or outgrown, tossed in landfills, and forgotten in short measure, but rather you are investing in the intangible – a peace and contentedness that fills your life when you are able to walk joyfully in your freedom from stuff.

Where are you in your relationship with consumerism? On the defense? On the offense? What do find provides the most motivation to buy less and enjoy more?

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
• Healthy Snacks to Go - 30+ recipes for real food snacks, fast.
• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

Photo by foundphotoslj

This article was written by Simple Kids editor Joan and was published February 17, 2009.

When you are speaking to more than one child, chances are, each child will be learning from you in a different way. We can easily tell the differences in what children learn, but when we investigate the how factor, it may simplify the process when getting your message across.

There are three Learning Styles that constitute the how factor, and they are easy to apply to your children when the time is taken to simply observe their play.

Visual learners are basically stimulated by seeing information. From projectors and chalkboards to their own art and handwriting, children who benefit the most from visual teaching have typically excelled at exercises involving puzzles, construction, invention, sketching, visual metaphors, and design.

Auditory learners thrive by hearing information. A lot of times, the written words needs to be spoken for these learners to fully understand the intended message. “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it,” undeniably applies to aural learning; these children will do best reading aloud or using audio books, as the inflections of a reader’s voice will help decode the purpose of punctuation and phrasing on the page.

Tactile or kinesthetic learners need the hands-on approach. In any way possible, these learners need to move or act to associate knowledge literally to “what you do with it”. Children with this learning style benefit from dancing and exercise while reciting information. Maybe make up an ABC dance or hop-scotch method. That way, the child has interacted with the material and will have been more impacted by it.

Applying the Methods

Take the opportunity to step back and watch when your child is playing with all of those toys you know make your child’s brain tick. Use these Learning Styles as a general measure when you look at the facial expressions and body language during stimulating activities. If it’s difficult to tell, try teaching one simple lesson to your child for every learning style.

Take notes; I think it will help with the process when you begin to compare and contrast the different stories and styles while revisiting your child’s subsequent paraphrasing.

Take the following game plan of sorts as a starting point for familiarizing yourself with your child’s learning style.

Day 1: Tell your child a story with a moral and wait several hours after you’re done to casually mention the story. Optimally, try to find an audio tape or CD to accompany the story so the story becomes a distinct aural experience. When you ask about the moral and see what has been retained, this will be the assessing the effectiveness of the auditory learning style.

Day 2: Use a different story with a different moral, but use a felt board or coloring pages to illustrate the story. In order to gauge your child’s kinetic/tactile learning, they must be actively involved in the story. There are many ways to do this if you can find a way to incorporate interactive tools like play dough or construction paper.

Later, initiate the subtle questioning again- if you have to, use an inflection in your voice that suggests you don’t know the answer and need their help remembering.

Day 3: Again, choose another story unique to the learning style you’re trying to explore. This time, use a chalkboard or poster board to have your child learn visually. Your child will not be active during this assessment; we’re trying to determine what’s held in their mind’s eye when trying to go back and retrieve the information later.

When teaching, draw vivid diagrams and illustrate direction with arrows. (I am no artist so I use stick people, but it does the job, I hope) Try to associate certain colors with words with consistency, and take note of what the words were. When you ask them about the story, refer back to the words & see if they have made a lasting impression.

I found another educational inspiration that I’d like to share, if you don’t already know his work. Dr. Howard Gardner is the John H. and Elisabeth A. Hobbs Professor of Cognition and Education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and I love his book, Frames of Mind. In this book, Dr. Gardner explores the idea of Multiple Intelligence, a theory comprised of seven different ways a person can demonstrate their intellectual ability.

With each of these assessment techniques, you have the ability to thoroughly analyze what your child has learned and how. This approach includes the three learning styles above, naming them Visual/Spatial Intelligence, Verbal/Linguistic Intelligence and Bodily/Kinesthetic Intelligence. Aside from these familiar concepts, other facets of Multiple Intelligence Theory include:

• Logical/Mathematical Intelligence describes students who have a great ability conceptualizing in numerical terms. These children would typically be the ones acting upon curiosity and performing, or creating, experiments.

• Musical/Rhythmic Intelligence is pretty easy to recognize. Students favoring this learning style are able to produce, appreciate and describe patterns of sound around them. Natural sounds are somewhat more obvious to these children.

• Interpersonal Intelligence befalls on those who naturally empathize with others before offering opinions or advice. “Reading” people and having an uncanny sense of how another is feeling are traits of this Intelligence type. Interpersonal learners are the natural counselors in our world… and also the politicians and lawyers.

• Intrapersonal Intelligence suits those who have an uncanny sense of self. They turn inward for their approach to learning before they begin to take in the information. Learning this way focuses on one’s own strengths and weaknesses in a constant effort to improve their internal state of mind.

Hopefully digesting these methods of assessment will allow a better sense of what is being learned by your little ones and how. It is highly unlikely that your child uses purely one method, but being aware of the characteristics of all of them may make finding the one they favor easier

Are there any of these learning styles that you hadn’t considered? Do you think they’ll be helpful for you and your family?

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
• Healthy Snacks to Go - 30+ recipes for real food snacks, fast.
• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

Photo by lepiaf.geo

One day when our oldest daughter was a baby – maybe nine or ten months old – I was having a particularly bad mothering day. I responded to her with grouchy irritability, using unkind words spoken in an unloving way.

Later that day, I confessed to my very wise Mommy mentor how terribly I felt about my response to Dacey.  She was just a baby, and I had been so harsh!  I couldn’t shake the guilt that plagued me. My friend gave me some advice that has had a profound impact on the way I practice parenting.  She said:

Tell her that you are sorry and ask her to forgive you. Of course, she won’t understand your words, but it will confirm the sincerity of the apology in your heart, and you’ll be released from that guilt so you can move forward with your day in a healthy state of mind.

Following that advice marked the beginning of a practice I passionately believe is powerful in parenting: seeking the forgiveness of our children when we have wronged them. As I continue in this practice, I’ve learned three important truths:

1) Parents aren’t perfect.

In the daily-ness of parenting, it’s easy to hone in on the ways we feel our children have wronged us.  A bowl of popcorn dumped out on a freshly vacuumed carpet or a meltdown in the checkout aisle of the market can cause us to focus our energies on the many ways our children aren’t perfect.

Yet I find that when I acknowledge my own shortcomings to my children, it reminds me of my imperfections which inspires a spirit of mercy and forgiveness when their imperfections on are on display. It also allows my children to grow up with a healthy perception of me.  Everyone makes mistakes – even Mama.

2) Forgiveness restores relationships.

All of us have parenting moments of which we are not proud.  We need only access hurtful moments from our own childhoods for a vivid reminder of the power of a parent’s words and actions.  But when we operate under the truth that we aren’t perfect and we will make mistakes, we are encouraged to act quickly to make amends with the child we have hurt – both confessing our wrong and seeking forgiveness.

In most every relationship, the act of asking for forgiveness for a wrong can go a long way towards healing a wounded spirit.

3) Modeling teaches volumes about the power of forgiveness

Both of my daughters (even my two year old) will very often ask for forgiveness when they have acted in a way that is hurtful, upsetting, or against the rules of our home.  I’ve never sat down and taught them how to do this, nor have I ever insisted that they do so.  What they have learned about asking for forgiveness, they have learned from their father and me.

We are very imperfect, and so they have had many opportunities to grant forgiveness to us when we have wronged them.

The older we get, the more difficult it can be to acknowledge when we have wronged someone, and our own stubborn pride threatens to preclude us from experiencing the very healthy process of restoring a strained relationship.  Humbling myself to ask for my children’s forgiveness often involves a very intentional act of choosing what I know is right over what I feel is right. Yet as I see the fruits of compassion and tenderness grow in my children, I am encouraged to continue practicing the act and art of forgiveness.

Have you found yourself asking one of your children to forgive you? What role does forgiveness play in the dynamics within your family?

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
• Healthy Snacks to Go - 30+ recipes for real food snacks, fast.
• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

Photo by psd

Our two year old may be an absolute handful, but she is also one of the most grateful children I know.  What a  treat to hear “Dank you, Mommy!” many times throughout the day.  Whether I’ve refilled her juice cup or gotten her precious tricycle unstuck, her thankfulness is always enthusiastic, pure, and authentic.

Receiving spontaneous, unexpected gratitude nourishes the spirit and affirms our work. But it’s easy to get caught up in the daily-ness of life, and in doing so, we may forget to extend appreciation to the people around us.  Active families need a simple system to make sure gratitude receives the honor it deserves in our lives. A very simple solution is to designate a day to express gratitude to recipients who won’t be expecting it!

1. Pick a date and mark it in pen on the family calendar

Our family is going to choose the 14th of the month to show gratitude.  The 14th is when our rent is due every month, so that day is already circled on our family planner and it will be easy for me to remember.  Maybe your family would like to designate one day a week, or perhaps once a quarter would work better for you.  Think about the systems your family already has in place, and make a small adjustment to make a place for gratitude.

2. Keep a running list of those who have blessed your family

Start your list with the people you interact with most frequently – parents, grandparents, teachers, clergy, etc.  Once you open your eyes to the way others bring helpfulness, joy, encouragement, and guidance into your life, you’ll find your list will overflow with ideas.

• Perhaps you could add the doctor, midwife, or doula who assisted you in bringing your children into the world.  Maybe there is a special child care provider or other family support person who has played a meaningful role in the life of your family.  To keep a family healthy and well-functioning requires a little outside help sometimes – don’t neglect saying “thank you” to those who have helped your family.
• What about the people in your community who work tirelessly to create a happy, healthy place to live?  Firefighters, police officers, city officials, librarians – these are all people in our community who deserve our gratitude.
• Consider the leaders of special groups to which you belong (homeschooling or local food co-ops, organized playgroups, even message board administrators).  Serving in a leadership role is often a time-consuming and thankless job, and words of appreciation can go a long way towards inspiring motivation to continue.

I think you find once you get started, you’ll never run short of people in your life whom you want to bless with gratitude.

3. Invite your children to be an active part of the process of extending thanks

This is much easier as your children get older and are able to communicate more effectively about who has had a positive impact on their lives.  Older children may want to keep their own running lists to draw from on Gratitude Day.  For younger children and babies, parents may want to take a moment to think about who their children would say “thank you” to if they had the words to express their thanks.  This may be a special teacher at church or child care, or perhaps another mom from a playgroup who always takes time to engage with your little one.

Once you’ve put a gratitude system in place that reminds you when to be intentional in expressing thankfulness, you can let your creativity guide you in how to show your appreciation. Child-created artwork is always well-received, and it’s hard to go wrong with a batch of homemade cookies.  Write a letter to the editor to publicly proclaim your gratefulness, or slip a handwritten note into the hand of one whose work you appreciate.  Practicing the art of gratitude will often birth new and unique ways you can speak thanksgiving into the lives of others.

Yesterday, our Canadian friends and community members celebrated Thanksgiving. It is wonderful to have a national day to be thankful, but we don’t have to wait for a national holiday to say “thank you!” Does your family have a designated day or way to show thanks? How are you already modeling the importance of gratitude for the children in your life?

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Photo by milena mihaylova

As parents, we know that the source of much frustration for children is an inability to communicate what they are feeling – particularly when those feelings are big and scary or upsetting.  A few months ago, we discussed some peaceful and positive solutions for anger and hitting. Several weeks later, a friend of mine emailed me to share with me an unexpected and powerful outlet for these big feelings: journaling.

Here is what she wrote:

I have been talking to EB a lot over the past couple of months about journaling.  I think it started when she saw me writing and asked what it was . . .  I told her that journaling is something she could do for herself, explaining that it is a great way to just get your thoughts and feelings out of your head, no matter what you are feeling.

Do you journal thoughts, feelings, and ideas? Have any of your children take up this form of communication?

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
• Healthy Snacks to Go - 30+ recipes for real food snacks, fast.
• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

photo by woodleywonderworks

I hope yesterday’s conversation inspired those who haven’t yet read Free-Range Kids to find a way to get your hands on a copy.  The book speaks to something far beyond allowing our children to walk down the mailbox by themselves.  In fact, the reason I chose this book as our first book talk selection is because in it’s entirety, the Free-Range Kids philosophy echoes the underlying premise of our community: uncomplicated parenting.

When we can free ourselves from the bondage of fear and shake off the shackles of consumerism-driven parenting products, we will have the freedom to raise children who are confident, educated, and equipped to thrive in the life that awaits them when enter into adulthood.

Parents who adopt a more free-range approach to parenting will most likely find that their children possess:

1. A sense of adventure

Not every parent is ready to allow her child to ride the NYC subway home unattended, but free-range parents know that going on adventure sparks imagination and cultivates a joie de vivre that can’t be recreated by Wii.  These are parents who intentionally and thoughtfully plan adventures – large and small – and either enjoy them together as a family or gradually allow more and more of the adventure to be experienced by children as individuals who are growing and maturing into greater capacity for trustworthiness.

A child who is raised in a home where adventure is celebrated is a child who will have the confidence and desire to seek it out on his own as an adult.

2. High-level problem solving skills

The absolute antithesis of free-range parenting is “helicopter parenting” – so named for the parents who hover over their child’s every activity, circumstance, and situation.  Free-range parents aren’t afraid to allow a child to try something and fail; they resist that universal parental urge to step in, intercede, and create a positive outcome.  In doing so, free-range parents allow their children to become resourceful.

When there is no parent hovering close by, a child must figure out the solution to a problem on her own.  Higher-level problem solving skills can only be developed through experiential trial-and-error.  We want our children to become adults who utilize the resources of any given situation to come up with workable (and even unexpected) solutions.  Our children can never learn this until we are willing to loosen our grasp of them.

3. An appreciation for simplicity

One of my favorite chapters in Free-Range Kids is entitled, “Boycott Baby Knee Pads.”  In this chapter, Skenazy examines the amusing (if not a little outrageous) products and services marketed to parents – all in the name of good parenting.  Free-range parents reject the idea that we have to have lots of stuff in our homes to successfully raise our children.  Many educational and safety products are rendered unnecessary when we place a higher premium on common sense, interaction, and experience than we place on buying stuff.

When children are raised in a home that is uncluttered and unaffected by our culture’s ongoing encouragement to buy! buy! buy!, they grow into adults who are not so easily swayed by the latest gadgets and gizmos.

4. Self-confidence

In examining how parents often operate under the illusion of Total Control (complete control of our children, their choices, and their circumstances), Skenazy writes

There is an idea in the air that somehow, if we just involve ourselves enough in our children’s lives and think ahead and make a lot of plans and decisions, our children will be able to sail through their days, happy and successful.

Of course, we all know there is no such thing as Total Control over our children.  But when we act out of that mindset, we cripple their ability to see themselves as separate, independent, and capable beings.  How will they develop confidence in their ability to function as an individual if they have never been given the freedom to be an individual?

Free-range parents realize that part of growing up is growing into an acceptance and confidence in who you are as a person and are willing to step back a little (or even a lot) to create space for a healthy sense of confidence to mature.

5. Independence

As Ms. Skenazy concludes the book, she makes a plea for parents to foster a sense of independence in our children as they grow.

On page 193, she writes

Childhood is supposed to be about discovering the world, not being held captive.  It’s not about having that world pointed out to you by a DVD or a video game or by your mom as you drive by.  “See honey?  That’s called a ‘forest’.  Can you spell forest?”

We want our children to have a childhood that’s magical and enriched, but I’ll bet that your best childhood memories involve something you were thrilled to do by yourself.  These are childhood’s magical words: “I did it by myself!”

A wonderful thing happens when we start to trust ourselves rather than parenting experts or the evening news – we begin to see our children’s growing up years through the lens of all we want them to experience, rather than all we want to protect them from.

When my children leave childhood behind and walk forward into adulthood, I hope and pray they will go forth with a firm sense of independence and assuredness that won’t be easily swayed.  When challenges arise, I hope their first instinct won’t be to look around and wonder, “Where’s Mom?  Can Dad fix this for me?” Instead, I want to create a childhood that fills them with all the tools and knowledge and confidence they need to enjoy an adulthood that is happily and healthily independent from me.

*****
Two exciting opportunities I want to make you aware of:
1) Tonight at 8 PM EST, Summit Series for Families will be interviewing Lenore Skenazy. Phone lines will be open for live calls, so if there is a question or comment you have for this author, tonight is the night to connect with her live!
and
2) Tomorrow at 10 AM EST, @SimpleKids and @FreeRangeKids will be tweeting-up!  We invite you to join us on Twitter to talk about all things Free-Range Parenting.  This is another chance to have Ms. Skenazy weigh in on your questions and respond to your feedback.  I hope to see you there!

CURRENT SPONSORS:

• Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
• The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
• Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
• Healthy Snacks to Go - 30+ recipes for real food snacks, fast.
• Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
• Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
• Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

© 2010 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.