Simple Kids » parenting

A Personal Challenge: Be Like the Sun

Kara — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 10:21:12 +0000

The following is by editor Kara Fleck.

Last week was a busy one at the Fleck household. Far busier than I would have liked, actually. By the end of the week we were still playing “catch-up” and spent a good part of Saturday morning rushing around trying to finish up errands and tasks that we didn’t have time for earlier in the week. That is not how I like for things to be around here.

Rushing leaves Chris and I grouchy, the children whining, and it makes me resent the “to-do” list and things that sounded fun when we first planned them.

By Saturday evening, I knew that it was time to change the pace. We made the rest of the weekend about slowing down and ignoring the “to-do” list. Once the pace of the weekend slowed down we were able to enjoy it. That is how I would like the rest of this summer to be.

So, I am giving myself a personal challenge this week: to Be Like the Sun.

“Be the Sun! Move slowly and compassionately, especially in disciplinary situations, bringing warmth and light – it’s a tall order! You may need to practice.” - Sharifa Oppenheimer, Heaven on Earth

Radiate Warmth

This week, I’m giving myself the personal challenge of being mindful of what my family hears from me. I want to be really focused on listening to myself and how I speak to my spouse and my children: am I talking to them in a peaceful tone? Or, am I barking orders and rushing them from task to task?

In discipline situations, am I losing my temper? Or am I reacting with a measured voice and a gentle, but firm, tone? Am I getting louder as the children get louder? Or am I staying the course, moving slowly and compassionately, to guide us out of the moment?

Move Slowly

As I mentioned, lately I have felt the pace of Summer quicken. We’re trying to squeeze events, outings, and family get-togethers on the calendar before school begins again. If I’m not mindful, it would be easy to get caught up with keeping a faster pace as the final weeks go by. But, if I slow down I’ll actually find that we have more time.

I want to remember that there are still 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week, no matter how fast we move or how full we fill them. I need to focus on moving slowly and on not over-booking us as I make the calendar, no matter how tempting it is.

A few well-chosen events that we can enjoy and make memories from is better than rushing from event to event and not feeling like we get to enjoy any of them.

I also want to make sure that we have lots of down-time in each day. Takings naps, watching the clouds, splashing in the pool, afternoons spent reading under the shade of a tree … those are all important “to do’s” as well. As Tsh reminded us on Friday at Simple Mom, “the days are long, but the years are short.“

Enjoy the Sunsets

Yes, literal sunsets are lovely, but what I mean here is allowing myself to take a break, and enjoy it, guilt free. Even the sun needs to rest and recharge. The sun sets and lets the moon take over for a while.

I need to remember to “sunset” and accept help from others when I need it.

Maybe Grandma can babysit for an evening so that my husband and I can have a date? Perhaps the kids can go for an afternoon out with Daddy, giving me some much needed peace and quiet?

This week I want to carve out time for my spouse and time for myself alone – and not feel guilty about it!

New Chance to Shine

Every day is a new chance to shine. Perhaps I was grouchy or spoke too harshly yesterday. Maybe I set goals for myself that I didn’t reach or said something I regret. We all have those parenting moments we wish we could take back. But, every day is a new day, a fresh start. Time to begin again.

A fresh chance to shine.

Have you been feeling rushed lately? How can you slow things down?

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A Personal Challenge: Be Like the Sun is a post from Simple Kids

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Let’s Talk: Tooth Fairy Traditions

Kara — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 04:01:42 +0000

The following is by Simple Kids editor Kara Fleck.

Our oldest child, Jillian, is eight, which means that we’ve had a little experience with the Tooth Fairy lately. The loss of a baby tooth and the arrival of the Tooth Fairy is a much celebrated thing at our house – and a tradition that I’m glad to see holds as much magic on this side of childhood, too.

In fact, my daughter loves visits from the Tooth Fairy so much that she recently did the “door trick” all by herself when a wiggly tooth just wasn’t falling out fast enough. Determined that the Fairy was coming that night, and undeterred by my protests that it might hurt or be a little bloody, Jillian carried on tying her tooth to the door knob and then slamming the door (she’s much braver than her mother). Success!

Now, the magic hasn’t been without its close calls. A time or two the Tooth Fairy has been caught empty-handed when a tooth erupted too close to bedtime (luckily, the Easter Bunny and Santa are generous with their gift stash).

Once the (obviously over-worked and very tired) Fairy completely spaced out and forgot to come! She made it up with a sweet note and an extra token the next night. We certainly hope that she has learned her lesson.

Traditions

My daughter has a special tooth pillow, one that my Mom gave her which was made by my Great-Aunt Annie. That little tooth shaped pillow has carefully protected generations of teeth until the Tooth Fairy’s arrival.

In this pocket you will find
A teensy, tiny tooth of mine.
So while I sleep where
dreams are made,
Let’s see if you
can make a trade.

In this pocket I will lay,
the little tooth I lost today.
Please, dear fairy,
tonight as I sleep
leave me a coin.
My tooth you can keep.

- Author Unknown

When I was a kid, the Tooth Fairy left us quarters. Today, typically at our house a tooth is exchanged for marbles, pretty beads, quarters, mini-nail polishes, hair barrettes, or a new tooth brush.

Let’s Talk

I’ve shared with you a little about our family‘s Tooth Fairy traditions. Now, let’s talk. I’d love to hear what your Tooth Fairy traditions are.

What does the Tooth Fairy leave in exchange for the pearly whites at YOUR house?
Does your child have a special tooth pillow?
Know any tips or tricks for encouraging a wiggly tooth that is hanging by a thread to break free?
Has the Tooth Fairy ever missed her date at your house? How did she make it up?

Other than a dimple in a cute little chin, What’s more adorable than a toothless grin?
~Azu “Betty” Espezia

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Let’s Talk: Tooth Fairy Traditions is a post from Simple Kids

On Raising a Three-Child Family

Robin — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 12:36:44 +0000

Contributor Robin Zipporah of The Not-Ever-Still Life is filling in today at Simple Mom while Tsh is on maternity leave.

Raising three kids is not simply raising two kids plus one more. A three-kid family has a different dynamic, and it’s not the default dynamic of most family situations.

Event tickets are sold in packs of four.

If you’ve just had your third kid, you might not be able to fit your kids’ car seats and boosters in your family car.

You’ll go to a restaurant and be asked to wait a minute.

They’ll push a table over for you while a family of four is seated immediately.

You’ve exceeded the norm. Four is a tidy number and five is not, but since when has raising children been a tidy process? As we celebrate with Tsh as she joyously expands her family, I would like to share my observations on caring for a family of five. Our children are four-years-old, two-years-old, and four-months-old, respectively, and here are some lessons I’ve learned by having three children.

Read the Rest at Simple Mom …

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On Raising a Three-Child Family is a post from Simple Kids

What is on Your Mother’s Day Wish List?

Kara — Fri, 07 May 2010 10:36:43 +0000

Yesterday I shared with you my hope to document the ordinary moments this Mother’s Day, but that is only part of my plan. I have a few other things items on my wish list for Sunday, including:

Sleeping in past 7 a.m.
A recreation of that gorgeous breakfast from Simple Bites, pictured above, down to the very last crumb: How to Have Peace, Serenity, AND Breakfast in Bed on Mother’s Day.
Some time with my Spring Reading Thing list and the latest Simple Living Media Book Club title.
Lunch with my Mom, Sister, Grandmother, and extended family.
Hugs, kisses, and (while I’m wishing) good manners and no bickering from my children.
To laugh a lot, all day long.
To accept the praise and attention of those who love me. Mother’s Day is the day to say, “Yes, I am doing an amazing job here, aren’t I?” I’d love it if you could give yourselves permission to do that, too my friends.

“Even the most courageous warriors need to remember this simple wisdom: there is a time to take on the world and a time to rest, replenish, and reflect.”

- Jillian Klarl

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms who take on the world every day on behalf of their children! May this weekend bring you a time to rest, replenish, and reflect.

Let’s Talk: What is on your Mother’s Day Wish List?
The comments are open for discussion.

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What is on Your Mother’s Day Wish List? is a post from Simple Kids

Straightening Out a Bumpy Day

Kara — Sat, 01 May 2010 03:59:58 +0000

Having a bumpy day” is what my favorite teacher and swim coach used to call a very bad day. You know the ones: the days that start out a little tense and slide right down into miserable before we know what went wrong. The days where the road seems uphill and covered in potholes all day long.

Kids have those bumpy days, too. Friends disagree, siblings fight, a favorite toy gets lost or broken, feelings get hurt. They make mistakes. Maybe something happened that made them feel angry or embarrassed. Perhaps your child doesn’t even know why she is having a bad day, she just is.

Growing up isn’t easy, a fact we parents sometimes forget.

Some bumpy days are rockier than others, of course. Luckily, there are some simple ways a parent can try to help straighten out a bumpy day.

Slow Down, Be Still. Clear the Calendar.

My first instinct when I am stressed out is usually to hurry and rush and “just get it over with already!” When in reality the best thing to do is to slow down, take a deep breath, and be still.

These days kids have many commitments. When your child comes home after a bad day at school, ask yourself if you really have to go to karate lessons or soccer practice? Perhaps you could skip it tonight and give your child a chance for a peaceful evening at home instead? Everyone needs a day off to hang out in their pajamas every once in a while, even kids.

Make Yourself Available to Talk. Or Just to Listen.

Sometimes after a bad day your child needs someone to open up to. Make space in your day to connect with them one on one. Take a drive together or go for a walk after dinner. Sit on the edge of their bed for a few moments before tucking them in and give them the chance to talk to you.

You don’t have to have all the answers. I know that for myself, as a parent, nothing makes me feel worse than not being able to fix everything for my kids. But fixing everything isn’t my job and it isn’t yours either. Kids, like grown-ups, sometimes just want someone to listen and sympathize.

But Be Prepared to Give Your Child Space, too.

Usually when my oldest daughter is upset she will accept a hug from me and we will talk about what is upsetting her. However, there are times when all she really wants is to be left alone. In those times, my duty as her mother is to give her that space and to make sure that her younger siblings leave her alone, too.

Sometimes when she is alone she reads or writes in her journal. Sometimes she cries and pounds her pillow. While it breaks my heart to hear her cry and my first instinct is to rush to comfort her, I must respect her wishes when she has asked for “alone time.”

More often than not, when she gets some time to herself she emerges calmer and more at peace, if not happier, and then she is ready to talk to me about what was upsetting her.

We can’t protect our kids from every upset, broken heart, or disagreement. We can’t guarantee them that life won’t sometimes include bumpy days. Sometimes we may even be the cause of those bumpy days.

We can love them and listen and remind them that tomorrow is a fresh start and a new day.

What do you do when your child is having a bumpy day?

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Straightening Out a Bumpy Day is a post from Simple Kids

Today on Simple Homeschool: At the Heart of Homeschooling

Kara — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 17:38:59 +0000

I know that Simple Kids readers are not necessarily homeschoolers, but I was very touched by Jena Borah’s words about maintaining a heart for your child. I felt her thoughts on love, giving, and confidence as a parent might be relevant to some of you, too.

I was very idealistic. My kids were going to enjoy their childhood, nurture their love of learning, and be free from school stress. They would grow up to be emotionally healthy adults with every chance to succeed.

Then we hit the first roadblock: ME. Having little children at home 24/7 was exhausting. Realizing their educational future rested on my shoulders was terrifying. Accepting the full responsibility of their emotional development was crushing. At least parents who send their kids to school have someone to blame if things go wrong.

You can read the rest of Jena’s article at Simple Homeschool.

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Today on Simple Homeschool: At the Heart of Homeschooling is a post from Simple Kids

Slowing Down: Taking the Time to Make Some Time

Kara — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 06:04:22 +0000

There are only 24 hours in a day and an hour will always be sixty minutes; no more, no less. When we’ve been cramming too much into those hours it shows up in negative ways: children get cranky, routines become rushed, and things just feel tense and wound up too tightly.

What busy parent doesn’t wish for more time in the day?

While I may not be able to actually create an extra hour, I have found that I can give myself the illusion of more time. When life has been hectic, and things are starting to feel rough around the edges, I know that I need to take the time to make some time.

So, how do I create the illusion of more time?

Photo by KevinDooley

With Intention

I remind myself of my purpose: to slow down. Even if it means I have to reschedule plans or cancel them altogether, I make downtime a priority. I take a deep breath, accept that there are more important things at stake than finishing my to-do list, and I make the conscious choice to slow down and savor this time.

I make sure my kids know our intention, too. I might tell my oldest daughter that “we are going to have some quiet together time” and I tell the younger kids that we are going to “use our soft voices and our soft feet” – meaning we’re going to speak quietly and not run or scurry about. My kids also respond well to animal images. I might tell them “we are going to be sleepy bears” or “move slowly like snails.”

Set the Mood

First, I unplug by turning off the television. I usually turn off the radio, too (I leave it on sometimes as soft music playing in the background or if we are listening to an audio book). I don’t run the washing machine, dishwasher, dryer, or other noisy appliances.

If having a lit candle won’t cause stress or a safety concern with young children around, you might choose to light a candle. My mom lights a stick of incense after dinner to signal that the quiet part of the day has begun.

Photo by MichelFilion

Disconnect

I don’t use this time to answer email. I don’t answer the telephone. I don’t even answer the doorbell. This is the time to disconnect from the outside world and focus on the world inside in my home.

Be Like the Sun

If I want time to slow down, I have to slow down. I like to imagine that I am the sun: my young children revolve around me, my little planets. If I am hurrying across the sky, they are hurried. If I move slowly across the sky, they move slowly with me. I have found that, even if they are running around wildly beforehand, if I sit still the children eventually will join me.

Photo by FrAntunes

Do One Thing … Or Nothing

I pick one quiet activity for us to do and only one: reading a book together, having a family art or handwork time, doing a puzzle, or playing a board game. Some families I know have an afternoon Tea Time, providing a small snack and a peaceful break in the day.

Even better than doing one thing, do nothing. Be still. Be an observer. Stare out the window and watch the birds in your backyard. Watch the raindrops slide down the windowpane or count the snowflakes, depending on the season. Sit on the porch swing and watch the clouds roll by.

A Day or An Hour

Once a month we try to make sure we have a weekend on the calendar where nothing is planned so that we don’t have any obligations or travel commitments. We call those “pajama days” and we stay in our pjs all day to ensure that we aren’t tempted to go anywhere. Those quiet days help to slow down the month.

But, more often than not, our slowing down occurs over the course of a few quiet hours scattered across our week.

The hours that seem to zoom by when I’m on the computer, running errands, or busy with household chores are the same length of time, but somehow those quiet, still hours seem to last longer. It may not actually be more time, but it feels like more time.

That illusion is one I will gladly believe in.

Are you always “on the go” with your family? How can you tell when your family is too busy? What strategies do you use to slow down?

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Slowing Down: Taking the Time to Make Some Time is a post from Simple Kids

Today on Simple Organic: 8 Natural Solutions for the Common Discomforts of Infancy

Kara — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 15:55:18 +0000

Diaper Rash, earaches, teething …. Infancy can be a bumpy ride. Simple Kids readers will be glad to know that Megan is writing at Simple Organic today about 8 Natural Solutions for the Common Discomforts of Infancy:

Between the glossy ads in parenting magazines and the aisles of choices at the supermarket and pharmacy, it can be overwhelming to try to choose the right thing to comfort the hurts of our little ones. And more often than not, it’s the middle of the night when we discover we need a solution – quickly! Not the most convenient time for a trip to the store.

Head over to Simple Organic to read the rest.

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Today on Simple Organic: 8 Natural Solutions for the Common Discomforts of Infancy is a post from Simple Kids

More Than Words: Simple Ways to Show Your Kids You Love Them

Kara — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 12:50:32 +0000

The Greeks have four words for love: eros, philia, agape, and storge – the name for the love and strong commitment between family members. I like the idea of having a special word for family love. As a parent, the affection I feel for my kids is limitless. I want them to grow up knowing that they are deeply loved. Each moment brings a new chance to say “I love you” - not just with words, but with deeds and actions.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. For some, it can be a daunting holiday filled with the pressure of grand gestures and elaborate showing of affection. However, there are simple ways that you can show your kids you love them any day of the year.

Here are a few ideas to get you started …

Touch Them

Photo by pippitdapo

Hugs, kisses, chubby baby belly zrrrrrrrbrrrrts are all wonderful ways to shower your child with affection, and I do hope you are indulging in these as often as possible! However, today I would also like to encourage you to be mindful of small opportunitiess to be tender toward your kids. Give extra thought to how your touch affects your child when you are …

brushing their hair
cleaning their face
getting them dressed, putting on their pajamas
lifting them into their high chairs or booster seats
tucking them into bed

It can be easy to overlook these chances to show affection as so many of the activities involved in the care of our children are repeated (and repeated) until we can go on “auto-pilot” doing them. Instead, let these moments become a chance to nurture your children. Make a conscious effort to perform these routine tasks with love.

This doesn’t just apply to babies and toddlers either. Big kids and teens need that connection, too – a gentle squeeze on the shoulder, a tussle of their hair, holding their hand: much can be conveyed through a simple gesture.

Remember Them

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography

Just like grownups, children want to be reassured that you miss them when you are apart. Let them know that you are thinking of them when you are not together. If your child is the one going out of the home, send a memento with them: a note in their lunchbox, a funny picture of you together, a comic clipped from the morning newspaper. If you are the one leaving, bring back something for them. It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost you anything.

Here are some things our children have appreciated:

a quick picture snapped by a cellphone camera of something fun from the day
the free stickers they hand out at the grocery store
a doodle you made for them
an interesting leaf or pebble (we love heart-shaped stones at our house)
a flower picked just for them

Let Them Help You

Photo by Tim Pierce

If your children want to help you with the housework or in the kitchen, let them. Include them in your every day tasks and be sure to thank them for their efforts. Yes, you can probably accomplish things faster without their help but faster isn’t the goal. Slow down, be patient, and don’t worry about things being done perfectly.

let them help you fold the laundry
prepare meals together
my kids love to sweep the floor
shovel snow, rake leaves, weed the garden together

Talk and share as you go about your tasks. Take advantage of these mundane chores and let them become opportunities to make memories. I have vivid mental images of laundry day growing up – from sorting the clothes with my mother to hanging them on the clothesline to dry. Every time I hang my own children’s clothing I think of my Mother.

Create for Them

Photo by Cozy Memories

Make something special just for your child. I love to knit for my children. With every stitch, a little piece of my heart goes into the tiny hat, sweater, or blanket. My sister sews clothing and toys for her children. But it doesn’t have to be an elaborate or time intensive project to make a child feel loved.

Draw them a picture
Write them a poem
Build a tower with their blocks or set up a scene with their dolls for them to discover
Cook their favorite meal
Play with their food: cut a sandwich into a heart shape, make an orange smiley face

Sing to Them

Your kids don’t care what your voice sounds like. Anything you sing will be a melody to your child. We sing as we go about our days and the songs we sing are often just silly little ditties that only have meaning to us. Our family even has a song for running the dishwasher. Yes, we made up a song about our dishwasher.

My kids love it when we sing rounds together. But, don’t feel like you have to stick just to children’s songs or nursery rhymes. Sing your favorite songs to them – the Beatles, songs from church, songs your parents used to sing to you. Make up songs for them or change the words to an existing song and personalize it for your child.

One of my favorite ways to end a busy day is to sing to lullabies to my children as I’m tucking them into bed. Can you imagine how safe and wonderful it must feel to a child to be sung to as they drift off to sleep?

Photo by Iandeth

Of course there is always the easiest way of all to tell your kids that you love them: just say the words.

How will you say “I love you” to your kids today?

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More Than Words: Simple Ways to Show Your Kids You Love Them is a post from Simple Kids

Jumping In

Kara — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:00:34 +0000

My name is Kara Fleck and I am thrilled to introduce myself as the new editor of Simple Kids! As a long time reader and fan of this blog, I feel honored to be given this opportunity and look forward to jumping right in and getting to work.

I greatly admire all that Megan has done here and I am sure that you join me in wishing her the best in her future endeavors.

Balance

I should tell you a bit about myself: I am a wife and mother to three. My family lives in rural Indiana where we balance creative pursuits with work and homeschool.

Like many of you, I often find myself pulled in more than one direction. I wear many hats: mother, teacher, writer, wife, homemaker. I am not perfect and I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned how to ask questions and set priorities. Life is the most peaceful for me and for my family when we keep things simple and focus on the basics, the essentials.

Photo by Cozy Memories

Something that I have learned over the past 8 years that I have been a mother is that families exist in a fluid state – children grow, needs change, surprises (good and bad) occur, life happens. Mindful parenting allows my family stay connected and that connection gives us roots, no matter our season of life.

Community

I am excited to be a part of Simple Living Media and Simple Kids. I am thankful for the opportunity to be given the task of nurturing a place whose purpose is something I’m so passionate about: uncomplicated parenting in a complex world.

Photo by Rolands Lakis

I’m proud of Simple Kids’ status as a resource for parents seeking to slow down, get back to basics and to connect with like-minded families. My hope is that the community which has been built here will continue to grow and that we will keep supporting and learning from each other.

Exciting News!

Big things are happening this week with Simple Living Media! Three new blogs are being launched today: Simple Organic, Simple Bites, and Simple Homeschool. What better reason to celebrate than welcoming three new members to the SLM family? We’ve got some fun things in store for this week, so stay tuned!

I look forward to learning, playing, and enjoying childhood with you.

I’ve shared a bit about myself and now I’d love to get to know more about you! How did you come to this simple path? As a parent, why is simplicity important to you?

CURRENT SPONSORS:

Oak Meadow - creative homeschooling since 1975.
The Vintage Pearl - simple. sentimental. meaningful.
Naturally Knocked Up - increasing the odds of conception naturally.
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Hazelnut Kids - natural toys for natural curiosity.
Living Crafts - craft your whole life.
Little Acorn Learning - monthly nature-based curriculum at home.

Jumping In is a post from Simple Kids