I’ve never been the type of parent to hand the television remote over with no limits, but as I was reminded this week, when TV isn’t an option at all, my kids seem to naturally gravitate toward creative play, reading, even daydreaming.  This has reaffirmed my belief that less is more.  That is why I think today’s guest post about choices by Suzita Cochran of Play.Fight.Repeat. is so perfectly timed.  Read on and then let us know in the comments what you think about how too much choice affects our kids. I will share more about our experience with TV Free week in Monday’s post. – Kara

The following post was written by Suzita Cochran of Play.Fight.Repeat.

When my kids were preschoolers, I’d give them the latest toy catalog before birthdays and holidays and have them circle things they wanted.  This seemed like what we parents were supposed to do.  And I’ll admit, watching their chubby faces light up when they came across something they desired was pretty satisfying.

My husband and I would sort through the circled toys and choose a few to give them.  It all went smoothly until the big day arrived.  Their small, awkward fingers excitedly tore open the presents and initially big smiles appeared.

But after briefly playing with the new toys, they launched into a round of pointed questions.  “Where’s the jumping stick thing I circled?  Why didn’t I get that?”  “I like these trucks but I would have also liked that big bear.”  Or from our daughter who’d already received one princess gown, “Why didn’t you get me that yellow princess dress too?”

The first few times we ignored these annoying questions as best we could.  But this predicament had surprising staying power.  It seems that my young children, the same ones who couldn’t remember how to make the letter K or what their phone number was, could generate from memory a complete list of the toys they hadn’t received, even a month later!

What was going on?

In The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz confirms what our family experienced: As our choices increase, our expectations do too.  When we have numerous options we are less satisfied with the end result, even if it’s perfectly fine.  Like my young children, we hold the memory of a “toy” we didn’t receive and always wonder, What if I’d gotten that one instead?

The United States, where we live, was built on a foundation of freedom of choice.  But we’ve taken this idea to extremes when the average grocery store now sells over 50 types of salad dressing.  We assume that if some choice is good, more choice will be better.  But Schwartz finds that more choice is actually worse than some choice.

No matter what our age, too much choice can paralyze our decision making, and lead to putting off a decision rather than making a less than perfect one.

Five ways to limit choice in our kids’ lives:

1. Don’t hand over the complete catalog of toys, summer camps, colleges, etc. to your child.   First have a conversation with him about his priorities related to the choice at hand.  For instance, if he has a hobby or spends lots of time playing a sport, gifts might include items to support these activities.

2. Don’t leave the full choice to your child.  Help her by culling the choices down ahead of time.  Perhaps offer 3 summer camps you know your child would enjoy and have her pick 1 or 2 of these.  Then she won’t have numerous unchosen options to wonder about later.

3. Be careful with the language you use with your kids.  Beware of phrases such as:

• It’s completely up to you.
• You can do anything you want.
• It’s a blank slate.
• Your options are wide open.

While these phrases may be appropriate at certain times, they can also convey inaccuracies to your child.  Honestly, do we ever have a completely blank slate to work with in life?  Instead use language which supports satisfaction with the final choice.

When I was in the bewildering process of applying to college, I remember my Dad saying, “Where ever you go in the end will be your #1 college.”  I don’t know where he got this, but it is one of the most helpful things he’s ever said to me.

4. When children are young, offer them small, daily choices that you have little stake in.  “Would you like to wear the red socks or the blue ones?”  We all enjoy having options in our lives, but as Schwartz emphasizes, just not too many.

5. Declutter children’s rooms regularly.  A room overflowing with toys and clothes symbolizes too much choice for a child.  Teach your child how to prioritize her favorite and most-used items by regularly sorting through her things with her. If kids are too young to help with decluttering, it will still lower their stress levels if you keep their spaces free of too much stuff.

Too much choice means reduced creativity

Author and psychologist, Wendy Mogel, notes that parents and teachers often give children too many options. A teacher might assign a research paper on any subject whatsoever.  A parent may ask his kids what they want to do this summer reminding them, “The world is your oyster!”

But when we do this, kids often spend most of their energy simply narrowing down to their final choice, and can run out of steam before reaching the actual project.

Mogel writes, “Creativity blossoms when it faces limits.  A sonnet is fourteen lines, a haiku just three. When water is allowed to sprinkle it loses pressure, but when it is channeled through a hose the flow is more powerful.”

Next time you’re feeling bad about limiting your child in some way, remember that you may actually be enhancing her ingenuity, creativity, and satisfaction with her eventual choice.

Suzita Cochran is a child and family psychologist and mom of two boys and a girl, ages 13, 11, and 8, who lives in Boulder, Colorado.  At her blog, Play. Fight. Repeat., she writes on topics such as helping kids “stop at enough” in today’s overflowing-with-options-and-items world.

How do you limit choice but encourage creativity in your child’s life?

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The following is by contributor Jaimie Franchi of Two Chicks and a Hen.

When Kara suggested I write about our experience as a TV-free household, I was hesitant.  TV time for kids is one of those hot-button issues that can divide mothers or, at the very least, induce guilt in all of us–those with and without TVs.  But I’m not here to tell you that you should throw out your TV.  I’m not even here to tell you why we don’t have one; you’ve heard all the reasons before and, like me, you’ve made the choice you feel is best for your family.

Five Lessons from a TV-Free Household

1. I’ve found that it’s easier to have my children watch no TV at all than it is is to allow TV sometimes.  I know the conventional wisdom says “everything in moderation,” and that some people have success limiting TV to 1/2 hour a day, or only on the weekends, or some other system.  I tried something similar and found it very challenging.  For the first few years of their lives, I didn’t show my children anything on screens, ever.

Then, from late winter of 2011 to late winter of 2012, I allowed my children one half-hour show per week, usually an episode of Little Bear or something similar on Netflix.  While my girls certainly enjoyed this 1/2 hour, I did not find it to be worth the struggles that ensued.  The begging I endured for “just one more show, for special!” and the complaints of “but we didn’t watch a show today!” (even though a show was only allowed once a week) were too much for me.

Now that we’ve returned to a truly TV-free life, my children never beg for shows.  As an activity, it simply doesn’t exist in our home.  I mention this because I know many people who have had enormous struggles trying to cut down on TV time.  I imagine it could be very difficult to go from allowing a lot of TV to allowing very little.  I honestly feel that it’s been much easier for me because I happened to have started in the opposite direction.  But if you are someone who really, genuinely wants to cut down on the screen time and you’re having trouble, I humbly suggest that you consider the possibility of trying total elimination. You may find it easier.

2.  My kids sometimes have that particular combination of boredom and crabbiness that makes TV sound incredibly appealing…and it’s OK.  Here’s an admission: There are moments, probably at least once a month, when my kids are driving me a little crazy, and I think about how nice it would be to just turn on a show to calm them down and/or entertain them.  I’m sure you know the feeling.

In the moment, it is very, very tempting–so much so that I have little mental negotiations with myself about the possibility of doing it.  But what I have realized through these experiences is that a little creativity goes a long way.  When I have my senses about me enough (read: I’ve had enough coffee), I can help them snap out of their malaise enough to get us back on track to having a good day.

What I’ve learned about my kids is that they themselves have it in them to make it through these bad moments without a distraction like TV, and when they don’t, it usually means they’re hungry, tired, or both.

3.  Eliminating TV at home doesn’t mean I’m fully able to keep my very small children away from some of the things that concern me about TV–largely, advertising and violence.  These things still seep in, whether from the products their (very sweet) classmates bring to school, or the shows my kids watch when they aren’t with me, or the syndicated character-laden books that fill the libraries; the advertising, in particular is really pervasive.  And this means that I have thoughtful conversations with my kids about these issues when they arise.

Getting rid of TV hasn’t rid my children’s world of these things.  It has, however, made a statement to them about my beliefs and values.  And while I do prefer to keep advertising and violent media away from my kids right now, as they get older it will become more and more important to be aware of such things as they learn to navigate the world.

4.  When I’m busy and can’t hang out with them, there is always something for them to do, and when forced, my children can entertain themselves.  This isn’t always the easy route to take, believe me.  While my kids are very creative and enjoy a wide variety of activities, that doesn’t mean that they don’t sometimes lay on the couch (or lay on the floor, or hang on my leg) and tell me they’re bored.

My proclamation that being bored is not an acceptable excuse for needing to be entertained and my insistence that there is always something to do are not necessarily met with joyful responses, but I’ve found that persistence pays off.  Laying on the floor complaining gets boring after a few minutes, and on the rare occasion that it doesn’t, going outside always snaps them out of it.

5.  Finally, a much sillier lesson: not having a TV doesn’t prevent me from watching something when I feel like it. I don’t feel deprived not owning a TV, in part because I don’t usually love watching it, but also because (yay for living in 2012!) anything I want to watch is available online somewhere.  It’s nice, really, because not having that big black box sitting out in public view means my kids don’t walk by, see it, and ask for TV.  And it means that our small space is not made even smaller.

For those interested: I don’t know what my long-term plan is.  A couple of months ago, I introduced a special once-a-month movie night with my older daughter (who turns six next week), and when my little one gets older, she’ll join in with us.  It’s likely that as the years go by, I will re-introduce the possibility of a television show or two, or a free-reign day, or TV on the weekends.

It’s also possible that I won’t; I really can’t predict how I’ll feel about it.  But right now, my children are very young, and in our household, this is what I’ve found to work best.

Kara, here: Is your household TV-Free? Have you considered making that switch? We’re not a TV-Free household, but I do consider it from time to time. TV-Free or not, can you relate to these lessons? As Jaimie writes, everyone makes the choices they feel best. It is certainly okay to disagree, but as always, I hope I can count on Simple Kids readers to keep their comments respectful and to explore our differences in a non-judgmental manner.

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The following post is by editor Kara Fleck.

This week is Screen-Free week. The purpose of the week is to encourage families to turn off the tv, unplug, and spend the week “free” of the screens in their lives.

From the Screen-Free Week website:

“Screen-Free Week is a national celebration where children, families, schools, and communities spend seven days turning off entertainment screen media and turning on life. It’s a time to unplug and play, read, daydream, create, explore, and spend more time with family and friends.”

My family isn’t a TV-free household, and I don’t want to give that impression, especially as we do have a family ritual of having a Friday Night Nest and watching a movie together every week, after all.  However, we do limit the television we watch, especially for the kids.

Aside from football season and IndyCar, and my love of watching Once Upon a Time and Bones, the TV isn’t a main source of entertainment for the adults in our house and so therefore it isn’t for the kids.

But, computer screen time and cell phone screen time are both things I could probably stand to give myself a more restrictive diet of. Ahem. (I was going to call this a side effect of being a blogger, but I have to admit that would just be making an excuse.)

However, we do observe TV-Free week every year as a family. I cover up our television with a tablecloth and the set stays off all week long.

This week, I challenge you to consider covering up the TV, or even moving it to another part of the house (can it live in the garage until the end of the week?) and unplugging for a week.  Can you do it?

I’ll be honest, even though we talk about it ahead of time, my family isn’t  exactly thrilled at the start of the week. If your family is like mine, they might need a bit of coaxing to accept the idea.

Alternatives to Television

Here are a few tips and suggestions for turning the TV off this week. Even if you don’t go “cold turkey” from all screens, I would encourage you to at least keep the television set off in the evenings and spend that time together as a family.

When we first started cutting back on the amount of television we watched as a family, taking an after-dinner walk was a helpful step for us. Instead of flipping on the set to catch the news, which then led to the evening sitcoms, we kept the television off after dinner and took a family walk instead.

Doing household chores is not the most fun and cleaning isn’t going to top anybody’s list of exciting things to do. However, you’ve got to tidy up anyway and even mundane chores are more fun when done together. Just think how neat and organized your home could be after a week if everyone chipped in and did it together.

Our window bird feeder is one of the highlights of our Spring. The birds actually come and eat breakfast with us, right outside the window in our dining room. We purchased our bird feeder, but you could certainly make a bird feeder, too. Go to your local library and pick up a bird identification bird and learn about your feathered neighbors.

Speaking of the local library … Have a Family Read-a-Loud - why not pick a book and spend the evenings taking turns reading it out loud to each other?

Shake things up in the kitchen. Learn some new recipes, try some new to your family cuisines, make something from scratch you might not have considered before (head over to Simple Bites for some inspiration). Try out some ice cream recipes and come up with a signature family flavor.

Jigsaw puzzles come in a variety of themes and levels of difficulty, so you can really cater to your individual family members. Get out the card table and work on some puzzles together.  Maybe you could stage a Family Lego Creation contest?  Assign a theme to each day and see who can come up with the most creative invention.

Explore your neighborhood. Become a local tourist. Go into that little shop or cafe you’ve been meaning to step into every time you pass by. Learn the names of those trees that line main street. Visit your town’s museum.  Have picnic in the park, in your backyard, or on your living room floor.

Set up some playscapes for your younger children to inspire play. Create a scene with their dolls or blocks or other toys before you go to bed so that they have something to catch their interest and inspire creative play the next morning (a time when many parents, including myself, can be tempted to turn on the television).

Get outside. Take a walk, play in the backyard, go to the park, or take a bike ride. Remove yourselves from the temptation of the television by going somewhere else.

If the weather won’t cooperate with outdoor play (and I’ll admit that right now our midwestern forecast leaves a little to be desired) consider visiting the library, children’s museum, or that kid-friendly cafe you’ve been wanting to try.

Take a trip to the art supply store and pick out materials for a family art project that you can work on the rest of the week together. Or, recycle some items from around the house and create some free and eco-friendly art as a family.

Instead of turning on cartoons in the morning, why don’t you switch on a podcast or radio show? We like the Saturday Morning Cereal Bowl and Sparkle Stories.

Need more help?

• 20 Indoor Activities for Kids ::: Simple Mom
• Creative Pretend Play Props and Ideas ::: Simple Kids
• Host an Outdoor Art Group ::: Simple Kids

Even if going TV-Free doesn’t become a habit, perhaps you could make this week the start of an annual family TV turn off tradition? Have a great time!

Will you be going TV-free this week? Or, if you are already a TV-free family on a permanent basis, I’d love to hear your tips about how you transitioned to becoming a TV-free family and I’m sure other readers would, too. Here’s to unplugging!

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© 2009-2012 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.

The following post is by editor Kara Fleck.

I thought you might be curious about what life is like at our house lately.  I know I’m interested in what life with children looks like at other people’s homes.  I loved when Tsh did this a few months ago and I’ve been meaning to share one of our days with you ever since.  I’ve actually been thinking that I should write one of these once a year, just to keep a record for the future for my family and I to look back on.

Please, keep in mind this isn’t necessarily a typical day as we are in the middle of  tax season, which at my house means long work days for my husband and a solo parenting gig for me.  I allow myself some shortcuts (hello, paper plates and no-cook meals), the housework becomes less of a priority, and the kids are given a little more screen time than usual.

It also is not normal for my children to sleep in as late as they did today, but our normal rhythm and schedule has been a bit off as I let them stay up later to see their Daddy each day. Also, just mentally insert “feed baby, change baby, rock baby” several times during the day, okay? I didn’t write it down every time that happened.

So, keeping those things in mind, today’s post is going to be a little bit different as I share with you a day in my life, specifically yesterday, April 5, 2012.

Rise and shine

Sometime around 3am, my three year old daughter wakes up from a nightmare.  She climbs into bed with my husband and I and goes back to sleep within a few minutes.  I lie awake for a bit longer and then, thankfully, drift back to sleep.

I’m awake again at 5:41 when the baby, who is eight months old, wakes up.  I nurse her back to sleep.  I can hear my husband downstairs in the kitchen getting ready for his work day.  In a few minutes, he comes upstairs and kisses me goodbye.  I lie in bed for a little bit longer before putting the baby into her crib, pulling the covers up on my three year old, and heading into the bathroom.

At 6:04 I’m dressed, my hair has been combed into a high pony tail, and I’ve washed my face.  I head down stairs, taking last night’s water and milk glasses with me as I go.  I let the dog out, load the dishwasher and run it, and make myself some coffee, grating in a little nutmeg.  Once the dog has come back inside, I feed him and then take my coffee and head back upstairs.

After a quick peek into the bedrooms of my other children, I sit down at my desk, open my Bible and spend some time in the quiet of the morning.

6:40 a.m. With Over the Rhine playing in my ears, I fire up the laptop, send out a quick morning “hello” to my knitting friends on Plurk, and then open up my calendar on my phone (which has my To Do list).  I have officially put on my editor’s hat for the morning.  I answer half a dozen emails, start this post, add some links to Sunday’s Link Love post, and outline Monday’s post.

Next, I read a few blogs, do some quick pinning from those to my Pinterest boards, and then I check in with the Simple Kids facebook page and remind everyone the Mother Bear KAL giveaway is almost over.  (Have you entered yet?)

It is 7:46 when I close the laptop.

What’s this?  Not quite 8am and no children yet awake?  I refill my coffee and pick up my knitting.  I’m working on a Simple Yet Effective shawl (pattern by Laura Chau) and I’m watching the Knit Girllls podcast.  I set down my knitting and send out an Instagram “good morning” just as I hear the pitter patter of little feet.

The first kid awake is Jillian, my 10 year old,  at 8:40am.  Max, Lucy, and baby Mia follow soon after.  After a quick diaper change and some potty time for my three year old, we sleepily head downstairs for a breakfast of cold cereal with sliced strawberries and bananas, buttered toast, and milk.

While we’re downstairs, I let the dog out again, refill the almonds jar, get green beans out of the garage chest freezer and move them to the kitchen freezer, and start dinner in the crockpot.  Dinner is going to be an experiment:  I toss sweet potatoes, chicken breast, honey from my brother NJ’s bees, and sliced apples and apple juice into the crock-pot and set it on LOW.

The kids finish breakfast and my oldest unloads and then reloads the dishwasher.  The kids play and look at old photo albums and Mia hangs out in her bounce-a-bout while I wipe down the kitchen counters, clean the downstairs bathroom, and let the dog back inside.

We head back upstairs and begin the flurry of getting the kids dressed, making beds, brushing teeth, and hair do creating that happens every morning.  My two oldest are independent in this, but Mia and Lucy, my three year old, need my full attention.

While she’s waiting for me to finish getting her little sisters ready, Jillian does her math review.

Everyone is dressed and ready for the day by 10am.  I sent my husband a quick text to say “Good morning” and then we start switching into homeschool gear.

Morning lessons and play

The two middles are playing in Max’s room, so the baby and Jillian and I settle in on the couch in our loft playroom.  I check over Jillian’s math and she does her children’s Bible reading.  Then we start on our main lesson.  The baby hang out in my lap and nurses and cuddles while Jillian and I read and do homeschool.

We continue with homeschool for about an hour and a half, with the occasional interruption from the younger kids and one change of clothing for my three year old.  Max is busy with a stack of construction paper, Ed Emberley’s Complete Fun Print Drawing Book, and some washable ink pads and Lucy is building herself a princess bed out of every pillow she can find.

I give Jillian a writing assignment and head downstairs to check on the chicken and sweet potatoes and fix a snack for the kids.

Noon – time to go to put on my editor hat again

I have an editor’s meeting for SLM, so I set the kids up with their snack and give my 10 year old permission to turn on a movie on Amazon Prime on the Roku.

The baby and I head to my desk and my lap top and I snap a quick Instagram photo while I’m waiting for everyone to get to the meeting.  I spend the next hour and a half planning and talking with Tsh, Aimee, Nicole, Jamie, and Mandi.  Exciting things are in store for Simple Living Media in the future.  I love my job!

A quiet afternoon

After the meeting and business stuff has been covered, the other editors and I stayed on skype to chat a bit longer and catch up on personal stuff.  It is a nice benefit to working with people who are also your friends.

At 2 o’clock we say good-bye and the baby, who had fallen asleep in my arms during the meeting, wakes up from her short nap.

I make the kids lunch of black bean burgers topped with spinach, cheese, salsa, and guacamole  on English muffins (don’t get too impressed, half of my children picked the toppings right off) and a side of black olives and orange bell peppers.  I unplug them from their TV show and we sit down together to eat.

After we clean up lunch together, Jillian grabs a school book and we read together outside and the little kids enjoy some time playing in the backyard on this windy day. Jillian finishes her books and join in with her brother and sister and the baby and I sit on the step for a while.  Baby Mia seems really amused by the feel of the wind on her face and blows zzzzzrbrts back at it – silly baby!

Around 3:00 we come back inside and I set the 3 and 5 year old up for some quiet time in their bedrooms, something it is evident they need by the arguing that went on toward the end of our time outside.  They each have a pile of books and some music playing and the instruction that they don’t have to go to sleep, but they do need to be quiet and rest and stay in their rooms.

Jillian has made herself a snack of grapes and is listening to music and reading comics, enjoying some quiet time herself.

I put Mia in the sling and I get a bit of housework done.  I soak a hand-wash only shirt (what was I thinking buying that?) and wipe down the upstairs bathroom sinks and counters with my trusty spray bottle of vinegar.  I go check on the middle kids and notice Lucy has changed again (outfit #3 for those of you keeping track at home).

I rinse out the shirt and lay it flat to dry and then grab a large glass of water and sit down to nurse the baby while finishing up the KnitGirllls podcast from earlier in the day.  The baby is fussy, but never goes down for an afternoon nap.

At 4:30 quiet time is over and we make a snack together of milk and graham crackers. The kids build pillow forts in the loft and I decide to check in with facebook and answer a few emails.  As I’m setting my full glass of milk on my desk I spill its entire contents into the bag full of homeschool books on the floor.  Fantastic.  What can I say?  When I’m awesome, I’m totally awesome.

I spread the books out, wipe up the milk, and turn on some fans.  Then I send out a quick facebook and Plurk message so that others can laugh at my clumsiness.

By 4:45 baby Mia is pretty miserable (teething?) and we walk and rock and sing and cuddle.  Finally, shortly after 5:00 she goes to sleep and I try again to sneak in a little more time on the computer and answer more work related emails.

By 5:20 Mia is awake.  A short nap, but she’s in better spirits.

Mia and I go downstairs again and I check on dinner and do a quick pick up in the living room, re-folding the blankets for the couch, returning books to the shelf, and putting the blocks in the toy chest.

Around 6:00 I get a text from Christopher saying he’ll be home for dinner, a rarity these days. The kids are excited that their daddy will be eating with us.  With a little supervision,  Jillian makes the rice and green beans in the rice cooker and the middle kids help set the table.  I sit in the rocking chair with Mia and the big kids play in the living room until Christopher comes home.

At 6:45 Chris is home and we eat, late but all together.

Evening

7:30 pm the table is cleared and Christopher takes over with the kids for a little while so I can get some time to myself.  I update this post, check facebook, answer email, and resize a few photos.  It is nice to have some peace and quiet and a little time to myself after a long day.

At 8:30 we start the bedtime routine:  baths, pajamas, brushing teeth, and a story.  With Christopher’s help, we get all three big kids tucked into bed by 9:15.  Mia has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, so I pack the diaper bag and set out clothes to get us ahead of the game in the morning.

Christopher, the baby, and I cuddle up for a little bit and watch some tv and Mia eventually nurses to sleep around 10:00.

I open up the laptop one last time today and set up this post for publishing tomorrow.  I treat myself to a cup of sleepytime tea and some toast while I work.

It is now  almost 11pm and I’m heading to bed.  Tomorrow, this will all start over again, with each day’s own twists and variations.  But Saturday, my friends?  On Saturday, I’m sleeping in!

So, how was your day? Have a great weekend, everyone!

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The following post is by contributor Robin Zipporah of Not-Ever-Still.

My sweet kindergarten girl is a beginning reader. She can read almost anything, slowly, as long as she doesn’t get frustrated or lose patience. Her handwriting is the same – it’s quite good, really, but sometimes when she’s tired or hurrying she still transposes those Bs and Ds or draws a backwards 9.

She’s like many smart kids, I think – she’s quite capable but she has perfectionist tendencies and because she is bright, she’s not accustomed enough to confronting challenge. Put those two qualities together, and sometimes she gives up entirely too easily. She wants help or declares her disinterest in favor of coloring or another activity.

So I’ve been intentionally building in little bits of reading and writing practice into our regular daily activities…without, you know, really drawing attention to the fact that we’re practicing anything. They aren’t drastic and they don’t take too much time; mostly they’re little ways of changing our routines. And as a bonus, they’re so much more than reading and writing activities – they’re fostering self-sufficiency and confidence in my girl.

Here are a few of my favorites:

My hands are wet

My daughter will notice a new birthday party invitation hanging on the fridge or a colorful flyer tucked in with the newspaper. But let’s say I’m washing the dishes (or changing her brother’s diaper, or pouring her sister some milk – you can imagine it, right?). Instead of saying, “give me a second” and turning off the faucet and grabbing the dishtowel and meeting her at the fridge, now I’ll just continue with the dishes and say to her, “why don’t you read it to me?” Her curiosity sustains her through the challenge, and if she struggles on the harder elements I’ll ask her to spell the word to me, and I’ll let her know what it spells before she continues on to the next one.

Photo by qwrrty

About once a week I take my sweet girl out to her favorite pasta place for a little mama-daughter alone time. Invariably, she wonders why the food (we just ordered) hasn’t arrived yet. If this were a date with her two-year-old brother, I’d be pulling the matchbox cars out of my purse, and if it were with her four-year-old sister, I’d pull out the old Altoids tin filled with crayons. But for her, I pull out a pen and I flatten the paper ring that held our silverware in its napkins. “Let’s play with math!” She loves to practice addition and subtraction on her fingers (and mine), so I write out a few equations. She writes out the answers.

The digital allure

Is your six-year-old a list-maker? Mine sure is: she’s made lists of the next 40 or so costumes she plans to wear at future dress-up occasions; the order of what books we should read next; the hierarchical ranking of her most favorite colors. She loves to talk about her lists but once they grow beyond three or so items, I can’t remember them long-term. I’ve taken to handing her my iPad and now she has her own set of files in the Notes tab. When she makes her lists in digital format, she’s no longer practicing her handwriting, but she is practicing spelling and typing – another important skill. She is allowed to type whatever she wants…as long as she reads it back to me when she’s done.

Photo by arimoore

Since I’ve identified intentional moments for adding in reading and writing throughout her play time, I’ve seen a real confidence boost in her skills. These are just things we do with 20 seconds here and five minutes there. None of them feel like worksheets or forced practice time; they’re just little modifications to some of the moments of our day. I don’t think she’s even realized how much she’s been practicing or how fluent her reading and writing have become, but I certainly have. Now she’ll try so much harder and longer before the frustration sets in, and I’m so proud of her.

How do you encourage your kids to grow their academic skills? Tell me your tricks!

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The following post is by contributor Catherine Way.
What times of day or family activities are stressful for you?  What makes you through up your hands and say I just don’t know how to make it better?  A technique I use in my offline life as a preschool teacher, visualizing classroom routines and creating a procedure, has turned out to be surprisingly effective at helping me be a more serene mother.  

One time of day that is always tricky for my family is getting ready for school and work in the morning.  I find it hard to get ready when I’m being interrupted by children wanting breakfast or needing me to find their socks.  And when I’m ready, I look at the children to find that they have undressed and are creating a race track in the middle of the lounge room.  I get frustrated and try to hurry them up so that we aren’t late.  They get angry that I’m trying to pack up their racetrack and suddenly we are all yelling.  What’s a mum to do?

To help make this time of day flow more smoothly, I take some time to visualize how I’d like the morning to go, from the time we wake up until we walk out the door.  I look for trouble spots and decide how those problems can be avoided.  I take into account what I need to have to make the morning feel peaceful (coffee and time to do some jobs on my own) and my children’s temperaments (for example, my eldest son will not eat breakfast as soon as he gets up).

My plan might look like this:

• The night before, make school lunches and get the kids to pack their bags for the next day at school.  Lay out their clothes for me and the boys for the next day.
• Wake up 30 minutes before the kids.  Make a coffee and put breakfast things on the kitchen bench.
• Make and eat my breakfast.
• Get the kids up.  Let them choose a quiet, non-messy activity to do.
• Shower and get dressed.
• Get the kids breakfast.
• After breakfast, kids bring their bowls and cups to the dishwasher.
• Have kids get dressed, brush teeth and put their lunch in their bags.  This needs to be done by 7.30 am – I have an alarm on my phone which rings at 7.25 am.
• Read a story or other quiet activity until it is time to leave the house.

Having a plan which allows time for me to get ready and lets the kids know if they are getting short of time helps me to react calmly to any unexpected difficulties that arise.  And if most mornings go smoothly, I am able to react more calmly on those mornings when one of my children decides they don’t want to go to school.  Having a plan allows me to be the happy, serene I want to be, not the ranting, nasty mother I can be when I get stressed.

I had read and seen many wonderful resources on parents creating routines for tricky times of day.  I had tried routines before.

What made this different, was the visualization process I went through before creating my plan.  I saw in my minds’ eye what my children would do from start to finish.  I looked for the tricky bits where my routine might fall short.

For example, in the morning procedure above -what is a quiet non-messy activity?  How can I help my children to understand this?  I decided it was any activity that my children can set up and pack up all by themselves.  If they need mum to find resources or help them set something up it is not a morning activity.  Having thought it through I found I could quickly and calmly explain, when the problem arose, that they needed to choose another activity and I had some ideas to suggest.

Nowadays, whenever a situation develops at home and something we are doing is just not working for our family and causing tension, I take time to visualize how I want things to go and teach my children what I expect.  Other situations which I now have a plan for include: our evening routine, visiting a restaurant, going to the doctor and packing away art activities.

What times of day or situations are tricky for your family?  What might make things flow more smoothly?

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The following is by contributor Jaimie Franchi of Two Chicks and a Hen.

When I talked about surviving the witching hour with small children last March, one of the suggestions I gave was including your children in the cooking.   Next week I’ll have lots of tips for how you can accomplish this in a way that keeps everyone happy and sane, but first I’d like to talk about why you should consider making this a regular part of your routine. 

Some of us cook with our kids all the time, and it’s no big deal, but some of us cringe at the thought of flour all over the floor, more clothes to clean, messy hands, ruined meals, etc.   Although there is some validity to those fears, you can eliminate most of them and successfully cook with kids by being intentional about the way you do it.  A little planning goes a long way in the kitchen.

Why You Should Consider Cooking With Your Kids

If you have yet to invite your kids to cook but would like to, consider the following:

Time Together

Our time is limited.  Most of us, even those who aim for simpler lives, find ourselves busier than we’d like, and this can sometimes mean that we wish we had more time to bond with our kids.  When we think of cooking as something that needs to be done without the kids, we squander a perfect opportunity for bonding and togetherness.   Cooking with our children gives us time together that we might not otherwise have. 

Even if dinner means walking in the door, throwing together a salad, and putting a frozen pizza in the oven, doing these things together is a great way to be with our kids and reconnect, especially if we’ve been away from each other for the day.

Some of us prep all of our food on Sunday for the week because the evenings are too busy.  Again—this is a great time to spend with our children instead of shuttling them off to the next room to watch a movie while we get “work” done.

Self-Esteem

Cooking it is great for children’s self-esteem.  There are many cooking tasks that even toddlers can accomplish.  When kids help prepare the family’s meal, they have a sense of worthiness and see themselves as a valuable contributors to the household.

Promotes Healthy Eating

Bringing kids into the kitchen helps create a culture of healthy eating.  We can have much more of an impact on our children’s eating if we are buying, planning, and preparing the food together rather than simply serving them a plate of food after working mysteriously alone in the kitchen for an hour.

Also, picky eaters are sometimes more likely to eat or at least try something that they’ve had a hand in preparing.  And we can even discover new things about our children’s food preferences through the act of cooking with them.  My eldest will prepare things in a certain way (especially when making her own pizza) that gives me clues as to how she likes things.

Real-Life, Hands-On Learning

Cooking offers an amazing real-life, hands-on opportunity for all kinds of learning.  Cooking is chemistry.  Cooking is math (measurements, fractions, etc.)   Cooking is botany, especially in the summer when we’re gardening and then eating things we’ve grown.  Cooking is art.  Cooking is culture, manners, and pretty much every other subject you can imagine.

The act of cooking, especially when certain components of it become more second nature, offers us a nice time to simply be together with our children or, if they feel like talking, to chat and find out a little more about what’s going on in their heads.

Remember that it’s not all-or-nothing.  It likely won’t be convenient or desirable for your kids to cook every meal with you, but you can always start somewhere.  And I know some stay at home parents who, after spending all day with their kids, like their quiet alone time when cooking.  If you can’t or don’t want to cook with them often, a weekly group cooking session or even a couple of times a month will give your kids the opportunity to start getting comfortable in the kitchen.

Eventually, when they become more self-sufficient in their tasks, you can actually count on the kids to make the cooking preparation go faster.  I know that an 18 month old’s “help” in the kitchen seems at times to be more trouble than it’s worth.  I’ve been there.  But I’m now seeing the fruits of my labor when my five and a half year old can measure out all the flour for the bread using the proper method of measuring dry ingredients (something I didn’t learn until I was in my thirties) while I’m scuttling about the kitchen getting other things done.

Be sure to come back next Monday for a list of concrete tips to make cooking with kids a smoother and, dare I say it, fun experience.

Do you cook with your kids? Has it been successful? What sorts of challenges have you encountered?

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The following is by contributor Vanessa Brown of I Never Grew Up.

I sometimes find myself being too negative with my children. I will hear myself correct them, ask them to stop things, hurry and start things way more often than focusing on positive things. I will tell them “Good Job” on different tasks like cleaning up their room or finishing the homework.

But I realized that I didn’t give them genuine thank you’s enough. Which made me a bit sad to realize, but now I have quickly gotten in the habit of showing appreciation to my children more often.

Showing appreciation to our children and also teaching them to show appreciation to each other can be done in many fun and playful ways.

Here are just a couple of fun ideas to try:

Over the Top Thank You Note

The thank you note could be an over sized Valentine, a funny card from the grocery store or a candy bar saying poster like the one below.

Photo by Vanessa Brown

Just something that is a bit over the top and makes them stop and realize, “Wow Mom really is proud of me and is thankful for me!” I made my daughter this after her behavior had really been almost perfect for quite a few weeks in a row.

Special Outing

Taking your daughter or son on a special one on one outing to sit with them and just tell them how thankful you are for them and specific things they have done. Just a walk around the neighborhood, short trip to get an ice cream cone or a drive through a pretty park.

It doesn’t have to be expensive or over the top but something that takes them out of their normal element and makes them really pay attention to what you are saying to them.

Photo by Vanessa Brown

Their Favorite Thing

Does your son love a certain type of dinner? Or a certain TV show or movie? Or even a certain book? Prepare or sit down and watch/do their favorite thing with them. Tell them that you wanted to do this with them to spend time with them but also to tell them thank you for something they have done lately or a certain way they have been acting.

Most of all I think my girls have just really lit up and loved when I cover them in kisses and hugs and list all the reasons I am thankful for what they have done that day. Probably the most simple but most special way!

What are some simple ways you show your kids that you appreciate them?

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The following post is by editor Kara Fleck.

First of all, I have to admit to some bias in this review: not only is Jamie C. Martin a friend of mine, she is also a mother I admire and look up to.  My copy of her first book, Steady Days, is a well worn and rarely makes it back to the bookshelf.  I am encouraged by her writing on Steady Mom and Simple Homeschool as well.

This giveaway is now closed.  Thank you!

Not only that, there have been moments in my life where it was Jamie’s kindness and wisdom, either through a  sentiment written on her blog Steady Mom or a through a word of encouragement exactly when I needed to hear it, that have buoyed my spirits or helped to turn a bad day around.

So, when Jamie announced that she had a new project in the works, something that expressed her heart for moms, I knew that it was going to be good.

I was wrong.

It is fantastic! (Judging by the reviews the book has been getting, I’m not the only one who thinks so.)

Mindset for Moms: From Mundane to Marvelous Thinking in Just 30 Days

Mindset for Moms begins with Jamie sharing about her own journey as a mom and how her personal evolution took her from wondering if motherhood and life with young children was to be endured to firmly believing it is her dream job and calling.

Her circumstances didn’t change, but her attitude did.

Personally, I have had seasons of motherhood where it feels light, beautiful, and almost easy.  I have also been through seasons of motherhood where it feels like I am living just to get from one challenging moment to the next.  Those times are  lonely, hard, and discouraging, to say the least.

I am not a super hero, I am a human.  And this human mother admits that there are those very bad days when I wake up and count the hours until I can go back to sleep again.  It is all too easy to feel drained and even depressed.

Life shouldn’t be about merely existing or getting through the day.  This time in my life as a mother to young children is a blessing, but my attitude doesn’t always reflect the gift that this season is.

Not a Quick Fix, but Long-Term Change

Jamie’s writing offers a message of hope for those of us who find ourselves struggling, wanting motherhood to be something more than merely getting through the day with our kids.

It is not about putting on rose-colored glasses or never having a bad day or a negative thought.  Mindset for Moms is about changing your thinking so that you know what to do when, as Jamie says, “negativity comes knocking.”

Not only is Jamie’s advice encouraging, it is practical.  She knows first-hand how the resources of a mother are limited, especially when it comes to time.  Her words are simple to read and easily applied to real life.

This isn’t about a quick fix, this is about a long-term change.

In the ebook’s short, easy to read chapters, Jamie provides a 30 day road map that has the potential to be perspective changing, even life changing.

I have been reading a little bit each day and more than once I have found myself thinking over an idea Jamie writes about as I go about my day, the words lingering within me, and yes, even altering my thinking.

Mindset for Moms, for me personally, has come at a time when I really needed it.

Perhaps some of you are in the same place in your lives?

From the book:

“How would you like to find yourself thinking and feeling differently about your family, your self, and your future in just 30 days? A better life awaits – let’s go after it together!”

The Giveaway

Jamie is generously offering FOUR Simple Kids readers a copy of her ebook Mindset for Moms!  I’m excited about this because I know this book is going to have an impact and I’m thankful to get to share it with you.

The book is available in four formats:  for the Kindle, the Nook, through iTunes, or as a printable PDF.

How to Enter:

• Simply leave a comment on this post telling me you’d like to win a copy

(note: if you’re reading this in a blog reader or via email, you’ll need to visit the Simple Kids blog to leave a comment)

This giveaway ends at midnight EST Saturday February 11, 2012. Winners will be announced on Sunday during my Weekend Links on February 12. Good luck! This giveaway is now closed.  Thank you!

Note: there are some affiliate links in this post. Thanks for your support!

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The following is by contributor Mariah Bruehl of Playful Learning.

How was your day at school? How many of us have asked this question to our children and received an ambiguous and uninformative response?

As parents we have an innate desire to connect with and understand our children, yet it can often seem difficult to come up with the right question at the right time.

The bottom line is sometimes we need a little help.

Family Conversation Starters

I have found that when you turn it into a game, children are often more willing to open up and take the time to ponder and thoughtfully answer the questions at hand. While there are a lot of innovative ways to bring about meaningful conversations, we recently tried a new (family friendly) take on the old classic game of spin the bottle.

Start out by preparing some questions and prompts. Try to incorporate some of the concepts you have been exploring as a family. Some hot topics in our household lately  have been related to being courageous, standing up for friends, and expressing gratitude. Over time the conversation starters can evolve and correspond with the various social and emotional issues that come up during the course of our daily lives.

It is helpful to use these light-hearted family times to explore the bigger concepts and issues that may be harder to discuss when emotions are running high. That little bit of distance can create a safe (neutral) environment where children feel comfortable talking about the things that matter most to them.

Here are some of the conversation catalysts we used…

• Share a time in your life when you have been courageous.

• Share a time when you overcame a fear.

• Share a time when you helped someone.

• Share a time when you witnessed someone in your family help another person.

• What is something special about you?

• What is something special about another person in this group?

• Name three things that you are grateful for.

• If you could make three wishes, what would they be?

• What is one thing you could do to make the world a better place?

• Talk about a time that you have stood up for yourself.

• Talk about a time that you have stood up for someone else.

Print out the prompts that you created and put them in a bag or basket. There is something thrilling about choosing an unknown question that children get very excited about. Take turns spinning the bottle. Whoever the bottle points to is the person who chooses a piece of paper and responds.

It helps to keep in mind that these are just conversation starters. Make the most of each person’s turn by asking clarifying questions and sharing your own similar experiences. You never know what direction the conversation will take.

Children long to be listened to and the most valuable gift parents can give them is undivided attention, so go with the flow and enjoy!

More inspiration for family conversations…

• Family Conversation Starters by Beauty and Bedlam
• Family Dinner Questions by How Does She?
• Family Chat Topics by Real Simple
• Table Topics
• Life Stories

How do you get the conversation going with your kids?

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© 2009-2012 Simple Living Media, LLC | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Simple Kids subscribers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited. If you are reading this content elsewhere, please contact hello@simplelivingmedia.com to let us know. Thanks.